Happens when I least expect it and before I know it.
I’m no longer bound by my thoughts. Cleared the waters and I’m soaring. What happens around me, doesn’t penetrate my calm and focus. Deep, infinite energy spreads within me. I shift focus to other living beings around me. And I come back with ease.
I’ve come out of the bottom of my heaviest squats in this state. I’ve felt deep connections with the birds, trees, and grass surrounding me. I’ve shed ruinous clouds of anxiety. And I’ve found answers to problems far above my own intelligence. Answers to problems in management, business, relationships, and psyche.
I haven’t found a formula for this moment. I try to figure out what exactly I do that brings me to it. I’ve tried to establish a meditation practice, a specific way, or even a set time of day. But there’s no pattern.
What starts me on the path, though, is to decide at some point to stop. To say, I’m not going anywhere like this, I don’t want to continue like this. This fog and craze and cycle of thoughts. To just stop. That’s it.
From there, I can begin. Whether I’m sitting cross-legged, laying on my back (a great suggestion by a friend), standing, or walking, it doesn’t matter. I go with how I feel physically. Am I restless? Get up and stretch. Walk around a bit. Am I tired of sitting? Lay down and rest.
Sometimes, I deliberate more. I sit with my palms face up, hands resting on my knees. I’ll count breaths with my fingers, closing one at a time, until I have two loose fists. If I really need to get deep, I’ll make a goal. Thirty, or one hundred breaths. If I can concentrate, I’ll just do ten, and then start over if I feel the need to keep track.
Other times, I’m coming out of a yoga pose or a mobility exercise, and I feel the blood rushing through my head. I breathe, and I’m there. In an instant. There’s a physical component. I don’t need anything else, I’m so solid in that mind space.
And in other instances, writing releases my block. Simply getting out a pen, or getting on the keyboard, and putting feelings down, starts the process of opening up and becoming aware of myself.
Sometimes, it just doesn’t happen. Rather than push uphill, I ease off the gas, change gears, do something else. As long as I’m trying, I know I’ll get there.
It has a lot to do with me and myself. That’s what meditation is. Realize that you are right there and turn to meet yourself. That’s why it simply leads there.
You can’t force yourself to immediately accept someone, understand their behavior, their thinking, how they tick. At some point you get in close and breathe the same air. Then you start to learn who they are. It’s no different for your own self. Try to get comfortable.
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