Of course I’m going to say it’s awesome. But I’ll get specific for you. I want you to know what exactly is happening for me. Meditation has already been a quiet, but gargantuan, force in my life. Regular meditation, though, is a whole other beast.
I haven’t been perfect this past month. Sometimes it was only once a day. But for the most part I meditated upon waking, and before going to sleep. With the exception of a few days, I meditated at least once every day.
The thing I really noticed was an increasing awareness of myself. I heard the words I was saying. I felt the emotions I was feeling. I saw the thoughts I was thinking.
You might think this is obvious stuff. Who doesn’t feel what they are feeling? Let me go deeper. When you get up in the morning, what’s the first thing you think? What is the very first word you say each day? What do you feel? Are you happy? Sad? Excited? Or maybe angry?
Believe it or not, there is a first emotion. A first thought. And more tangibly, a first word. If you believe that the beginning of something sets the tone for the rest of it, then your first everything of the day might be worthy of observation.
I heard a Buddhist monk say that there are actions of the mind, of the mouth, and the body. These are thoughts, words, and physical acts. We have responsibility for all of them. I’ve been noticing my actions throughout the day.
One thing I don’t like is how I curse. I feel like it hurts people and it adds little positive value to anything I’m trying to say. But I do it because I like how it feels fresh in the moment. It’s a thrill thing. After meditating regularly, I’m actually aware of myself doing it in the moment.
I’m just more able to pay attention to how it feels, what it sounds like to other people, and what I think about it. Right in the moment. Here’s the crazy thing. The next time I’m talking, I actually feel a curse word coming. It’s like a good time, a nice spot, for a curse word to emphasize my point. And I choose to not say it.
There’s a lot of other words to use to express myself. And when I don’t curse, I still say what I want to say. I just don’t feel like it’s me to curse, even though I’ve been doing it since junior high. It’s one of those things that I don’t do for a while, and then I pick it up from somewhere and mindlessly start cursing again.
Mindlessness. That’s what I’m shedding through regular meditation. Why make actions left and right with no attention to the quality of my impact? Am I that lazy?
Meditation is building up an awareness, stronger every day, of myself. It makes sense, because in meditating we are paying attention to ourselves. We breathe, we pay attention to the smallest thing in the world, our breath, and in that we are able to see clearly what out minds hold.
We also see that our minds keep a lot inside, but we don’t have to be the things that run through our minds.
I see thoughts about myself, about other people, how I feel about situations, and I realize day to day that these are simply thoughts. My actions will come from a place of wellness and happiness. At least I want them to, and I’m finding it more doable recently.
Let me know if you’ve noticed something similar from meditation, or if you just naturally have this sort of awareness.